


And The Cycle Continues

by yangyang425



Category: TOMORROW X TOGETHER | TXT (Korea Band)
Genre: Angst, Break Up, Cycle, Gen, Job - Freeform, Love, New Year, Special, Tears, feeling
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-31
Updated: 2020-12-31
Packaged: 2021-03-10 23:20:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,816
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28445295
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yangyang425/pseuds/yangyang425
Summary: "And the cycle continues on the year 2021."
Relationships: Choi Beomgyu/Kang Taehyun, Choi Soobin/Huening Kai
Comments: 1
Kudos: 8





	And The Cycle Continues

**Author's Note:**

> HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

Everyday feels like hell on the year of 2019.

Waking up, eat breakfast, prepare for school, hangout with friends, take home a lot of assignments, going home, eat dinner, sleep and the cycle continues.

This cycle wasn't new for Kai. He lived for 18 years with this kind of dull cycle. It was tiring, yet he didn't complain. Why would he, right? He don't have any reason to complain. He have enough money from his allowance that was given from his mother. He's living on a condo that was purchased by his deceased father. He's living his life normally and peacefully.

But he still feel like he's lacking something in his life. Except for the fact that he lost his father 6 years ago, it seems like that wasn't the thing that was lacking. Of course, he knew it. But he's afraid to admit it.

"Hey Kai Kamal Huening! Where in the hell are you?" Kai brushed over his own hair using his left hand as his other hand holding his phone near his ear. Yeonjun, his classmate and one of his bestfriend, screamed from the other side of the phone. It wasn't new for Kai, instead, he was used to it - again.

"I'm on my way, hyung." Kai said calmly, hopping on his bicycle.

"Fasten up, Kai. You're way too late!" Yeonjun had time to yell at him before he heard those static sound of the call being dropped. Kai sighed, emplacing his phone to his pocket. He moved his shoulder to fix his bag before speeding up his bicycle.

Half an hour after, he finally reached for their school. The school's guard gave him a slip for being late before opening the gate for him. He only left his bicycle parked on the side with the guard's on watch.

Normally, for a student being late, they would have been running all the way for their rooms, but Kai was an exception. He didn't run like it was the end of the world. Instead, he just casually walk through the corridors with different eyes following him from inside the classrooms while murmuring.

Kai is famous with his undeniably handsome face and being that angel looking friend of Yeonjun, the basketball captain, Beomgyu, the campus prince and Taehyun, the school's prodigy. But that's not the reason why students had to look at him like he just did a crime.

The main reason was that he is that super duper damn late.

"Had enough time to walk casually, eh?" Their history, who unfortunately have been trying to stop herself not to throw her laptop bag to Kai, said. It was another usual thing, as he took his seat which was on the very last part of the class. Placing his bag, his eyes caught of a torn paper that looks like from a colorful notebook on his chair. At first, he thought it was just a stray paper but as soon as he got a hold of it, he saw that there's something scribbled on it. It said;

Help yourself, Kai. Live your life to the fullest. We're always here for you.

Kai's lips formed a frown as he managed to look sideways, where his friends were sitting promptly. Yeonjun was the only one who looked at him and winked while Taehyun and Beomgyu were busy scribbling through their notebooks.

He sighed, took his seat and leaned back, sighing again. It's been a while since they entered their last year of senior high school - it's nearly Christmas, too. They said, it will the most memorable one because it'll be the last year that you have to endure high school. College will be more different that high school, they said. That's why almost all of senior high students are trying their best to find someone they can dedicate their existence for the rest of their life.

And that was basically Kai's problem.

Eventually, he wants to have someone he can talk about his life with. Someone who can understand him besides from his mother and his closest friends. Basically, he wanted to have a boyfriend. Among his friends, he's the only single one breathing and living. Taehyun, unfortunately, chose to date Beomgyu. While Yeonjun is currently courting - wishing he'll a get a 'yes' soon - the school's prettiest student namely Crystal.

Kai might look disgusted with the idea of dating someone but he can't help but to feel jealous every time Beomgyu and Taehyun tried to be sweet with each other.

"Hey, Kai. Want to go out today?" Yeonjun managed to whisper to his ear, despite the piercing glare from their history teacher. Kai shot a single glance before concentrating on doodling some infamous words at the back of his notebook.

"What do you mean 'go out'?" He questioned. He heard a low growl from Yeonjun. He must be annoyed again.

"Go out! I mean, we go to mall or somewhere else except at school." Yeonjun growled in a whisper. Kai rolled his eyes. He clearly knew what does Yeonjun meant, he just wanted to annoy Yeonjun and see his weird looking expression.

"Fine. Don't be a grumpy." Kai popped the word 'p' in grumpy, slightly eyeing Yeonjun.

"Er --- you're the reason why I'm being like this, Kamal." The older guy bore a strong glare to the younger one before facing the board. However, it wasn't as easy as that when they both noticed that their teacher have been glaring at them.

"What's the problem, you two?" The teacher scowled in a low and cold tone. Kai and Yeonjun eyed each other, letting out a slight chuckle before moving their own head side to side.

"None, miss." The terror history teacher let out a small 'hmp' as she turned her back - no, facing that white board filled with unending dates in the past.

"You should be careful next time, guys." Beomgyu leaned closer to them and whispered those words, eyes still focused in front, wanting to know if the teacher will look back again. However, Taehyun was in favor of shutting them up. He pulled Beomgyu's shirt, letting him sit down properly.

"Focus on the class." Taehyun uttered, also eyeing Yeonjun and Kai. The youngest reached out for his temple, massaging it after. How did he manage to have this kinds of friends? He won't complain since he only have them.

\---

"Here baby, eat this."

Kai had his stern face while playing with the macaroni salad on his plate. Beomgyu had been trying to feed Taehyun with his carbonara and Taehyun did agree with the disgusting idea - well at least for Kai's notion. It made Kai sick while Yeonjun was honestly loving the scene - both the sweet couple in front of them and Kai's unpleasant face.

"Come on, Kai. Be happy just for once. 2019's almost done, just a few more weeks." Taehyun blurted out while chewing the new set of carbonara.

"Taehyun's definitely right, Kai. Let out a smile, please." Beomgyu cooed, twirling the fork to his carbonara. Kai didn't respond. Instead, he chewed his lip, not wanting to say something. He obviously wasn't in the mood to speak.

Yeonjun sighed as he emptied his cup of ramyeon. "Speaking of. What's your plan for Christmas?"

Both Taehyun and Beomgyu let out an excited squeal, looking at each other coincidentally. "Well, we're planning to go to Daegu and spend Christmas with Gyu's family." Taehyun spoke with excitement on his voice. Beomgyu nodded continually, placing a hand around Taehyun's shoulder.

"How about you two? Bet you'll be staying here until New Year?" Beomgyu asked, eyeing keenly to the two guys in front of them.

"Err - I'm planning to stay with my family and visit Crystal after to, you know, give my gift and probably hear the word 'yes'." Yeonjun shared, slightly pulling out his phone when it suddenly vibrated. "Oh - Crystals' calling. Gonna answer it first." He added and stood up. He walked away from their table with his phone placed near his ears. This left the couple and the gloomy looking friend, Kai.

"How about you, Kai?" Taehyun questioned cautiously, not wanting to make the younger uncomfortable.

Kai broke into a halt from drinking his grape juice, his mouth went dry, as usual, while finding the right words to say. He slowly laid the glass down, eyeing his plate carefully as words started to form on his mind.

"I.. I don't have any plan." Those words rolled down from his dry mouth. The couple looked at each other, already knowing what was in Kai's mind as for that certain moment.

"Why don't you go to US? To spend time with your mother?" Said Beomgyu. His worried feeling launched as Kai's face became paler.

"I.. I don't want to go to US. You know, I'll just end up being hurt seeing my mother with her new family." The younger uttered in a very low tone, although it was enough for the couple to hear it. They chewed their own lips, not knowing what to say. However, as they were about to say something comforting for the youngest, Yeonjun came in with an obvious I-heard-everything-face. With a sigh, Yeonjun sat down, putting a hand around Kai's shoulder.

"Cheer up, man. Do you want to visit our house on Christmas?" Being the oldest among the four of them, he's responsible for making his friends display a smile on their faces.

Kai seemed pleased when he shot a glance to his smiling face. He knew he's lucky enough to have them on his side but he reckoned a lot of time if he should bother them with his own problems. With that, Kai decided to shake his head, showing a sign that he's disapproving the idea.

"I can manage, hyungs. It's not that I'm not used to it." Kai responded, letting out a forced chuckle, which his friends knew that it was forced immediately. Yet, they didn't let that topic go any further.

Sure, they wanted to help the latter but it would just make their situation worsen. So, Yeonjun kept an idea to himself and will soon reveal to the couple when Kai's out of their radar.

\---

It was the last day of school for the year 2019 when Beomgyu said some unexpected words to his friends. "Let's go to the cafeteria. I'll be on treat this time." He had said that made Yeonjun's eyes grew dramatically wide. Taehyun almost dropped his pen when he heard his boyfriend uttered those words. Kai, who had the most boring face ever, literally stretched out a wide grin just by hearing those magical words.

"Did.. did I heard it right?" Yeonjun blabbered, his fingers slightly shaking his ears to make sure he was hearing it accurately. Beomgyu eyed them weirdly.

"Why are you acting like I said the most wonderful thing on Earth?" Beomgyu chirped out, hands placed on the strap of his bag. The three other guys gazed at each other, throwing some knowing looks and grins.

"Because you just did!" The three said at once. In sync, they all stood up and held Beomgyu by hands. Taehyun on his right, Kai on his left and Yeonjun was leading them.

"Wait a minute! Wait a second!" Beomgyu yelped, yet they didn't fazed a little. Yeonjun had his sneering face all through out the small journey to the cafeteria. Although, they had to be ignorant about Beomgyu's whining as soon as they got a step into the cafeteria.

"You said it'll be your treat, right? Now, die having nothing on your credit card for the whole week." Kai said cheekily, reaching out for a tray and started to fill it with almost everything.

"I might need to go before Kai pick up every single ramyeon here." Yeonjun went after giddily. Beomgyu peered over Taehyun, silently telling him to go pick his food, too. However, Taehyun didn't move. Instead, he opened his mouth to speak.

"You didn't mind being poor for a whole week, right? As long as you make Kai smile like that?" Taehyun asked, eyes following Kai's happy figure while picking for a dozen pack of gummies. Beomgyu had realized what he had done. Stretching a big smile, Beomgyu pulled Taehyun in between his arms and guided him to the food stalls.

"I don't mind at all."

Minutes after of choosing foods to dig in, they managed to find a table with wide table top, which can be enough for their tons of foods chosen. Beomgyu came back with an undeniable frown in his face.

"How many-"

"You wouldn't want to know, Tyun." Beomgyu stopped Taehyun from asking such questions. As for the moment, he don't want to talk about how he paid almost 9K won for their food. Contrast to what he just said minutes ago, he did mind being poor for a whole week. The idea just made him crazy but he hid it for the sake of Kai's smile. Being his friend, they basically do everything just to make their youngest drew out his old self - the happy-go-lucky Kai.

"By the way, Kai." Yeonjun called, mouth slightly filled with hot noodles of his ramyeon. Almost in sync, Kai - together with the couple - looked at Yeonjun.

"Yeah?"

Yeonjun blew the hot air that came from the cup, slightly darting a glance to Beomgyu and Taehyun. "Wait for our gift on New Year." He said, filling his mouth with the soup.

Kai chewed his chicken, confusedly eyeing Yeonjun. "What do you mean?"

Yeonjun halted from chewing the noodles and gave either Beomgyu or Taehyun time to speak.

"You know what? Just wait for it. You'll enjoy it, surely." Beomgyu pulled a chicken on the bucket, stuffing it on his mouth. He felt guilty with it - each of them felt guilty of course - but they just had to do it for the sake of Kai's only happiness. Even if it cost a lot of pain after, they had to make Kai's beliefs and perspective change even just for a span of few months.

"You guys are really so weird." Kai mumbled, playfully rolling his eyes. The three guys eyed each other before forcing a laugh.

"Don't tell me you aren't used to it?" Taehyun nervously laughed. Kai had been swayed, letting out a genuine laugh. Finally, after some gloomy atmosphere, they had managed to bring the sunshine Kai back for an hour.

\---

Christmas had finally set off for everyone's eyes. As what everyone had expected, snow had finally fell, too. Each person seems to pleased the scene of those small white crystal-like things that was falling from the sky, except for Kai.

He sat back, eyes shifting from the hot chocolate properly laid on the table in front of him and to the opened television. His mind meddled with nothing, nothing but his thoughts about his inquiries in life. It was a mess, really, yet this thoughts are just flowing continually like a river.

This harsh winter had Kai looked outside his window boringly. "They're out of here, have they?" Kai had once asked himself, slightly sipping on his hot chocolate, eyes still fixated to his snow-filled window.

There was silence engulfing his abode, with only the tiny chattering of the snow echoed in his ears. He was left alone. Since the last time he had seen his friends, everything bored him again. However, the silence broke when he heard his phone rang. Sighing, he picked up his phone and saw Beomgyu calling him.

"Yo." He answered casually. He could hear Taehyun shouting from the other line, telling Beomgyu to close a certain door.

"Hello, Kai!" Beomgyu greeted loudly. Kai shifted into his seat and stood up, his feet brought him into the nearest window. "What's up? How are you?"

"Never been fine, hyung." Kai answered, wiping his window glass on the inside. It was the truth. He had never been fine ever since his mother had left him with her new family. He had always been feeling lonely in his condo. Well, except if his friends would visit him, he's more than just happy.

"Aww. Tomorrow's Christmas. Did Yeonjun hyung called you already?" Beomgyu asked breathlessly.

"No. Not yet." He responded in one go, realizing that Yeonjun might be busy enough for him not to call for Kai. "He must be busy."

"He's not busy, I suppose?" Kai heard some shifting and tapping on the other line before hearing Taehyun running. "Let's zoom call him. Open your laptop, Kai. Taehyun's been wanting to see you."

Kai didn't hesitate, run through his living room, grabbed for his laptop and opened zoom app. "Meeting ID and pass code?" Kai asked.

"Wait a second. Gonna make a meeting. I'll just message you the ID and the pass code." Then Beomgyu hanged up. Kai shoved his laptop against his lap, head leaned on the back of the sofa while waiting for Beomgyu's message. Minutes later, a faint 'ting' sound came from his phone. He calmly typed the ID and pass code.

Later on, Beomgyu's, Taehyun's and Yeonjun's face welcomed his dull eyes.

"Hey, Kai!" Yeonjun yelled, hands waving to the camera. Kai's lips formed a slight smile as he raised his hands, waving.

"Yow, hyung." He greeted.

"Have you eaten, Kai? You looked dull." Taehyun asked, eyes squinted while concentrating on observing the younger's facade.

Kai let out a hearty laugh. "Hyung, of course I am. I'll be dead if I'm not." Kai retorted. Taehyun and Beomgyu went silent as they looked at each other. Yeonjun, on the other side, stared at the camera like he's staring at Kai with a slight smile on his lips.

"Just make sure that you're healthy or else, we'll kick you in the ass." Yeonjun warned, his laugh echoed his silent condo.

"Geez, it's so cold. Anyway Kai, are you ready to see our gift?" Beomgyu sneered, his eyebrows went up and down. Kai squinted his eyes. He honestly forget about the gift that his friends had prepared since he's mind was filled with useless things.

"No." He responded seconds after. Beomgyu frowned, Taehyun snickered and Yeonjun laughed.

"Why are you guys like that?" Beomgyu asked with a frown, slightly punching Taehyun in the shoulders.

"I'll just wait for it, hyungs. Thank you, really." Kai muttered with a genuine smile. His friends softened their expressions. The sight of Kai heaving out a genuine smile literally make their heart flutter. They know that those smiles are the most precious treasure they could have after losing it years ago.

And they will do everything just to see those smiles again.

\---

"Happy New Year, Kai. Better write your New Year's Resolution now and wait for our gift at 12:00." Yeonjun said, hanging up the call even before Kai knew it. Heaving a sigh, he placed his phone inside his hoodies' pocket. He looked up, the scene of the city being filled with happy faces while holding some firecrackers under opened lamp posts made him feel more lonely and sad.

If he happened to have a boyfriend, then he shouldn't feel this kind of loneliness. This thing shouldn't bother him but since he don't have any parents to give him affection, he reckoned of having a boyfriend instead.

"I just want to have a boyfriend, that's it. I'll find a boyfriend this year." Kai chuckled with his own stupidity. He thought that he's not that attractive enough to get a boyfriend in a flick of a finger. Does he?

As he was about to pull off another insignificant joke, there were a knock on his door. Confused, he pulled himself near the door. He slightly bent over to his door to possibly hear who could it be since he's not expecting anyone to come over his condo. However, whoever the person is, knocked again for the second time.

Kai held the door knob, twisting it after before opening it ajar. He peeked outside his condo room, eyes squinted into slits. There, he saw a guy taller than him with an inch or two. The guy smiled when he saw Kai peeked out.

"Hello." The guy muttered. Kai's eyes grew wide as he took a step back. He opened the door completely with his eyes staring into the unknown guy's handsome face. Kai observed his facade, the guy was wearing a thick coat, jeans for his below clothes and a black slipper.

"Uh. Hi?" Kai managed to ask despite the cold air around them. Of course, the condominium's hallway was equipped with two air cons, definitely forgetting how the air of December (and January actually) was cold enough to make them shiver.

"Oh well. My name's Soobin and I just bought the condo unit near you." The guy, Soobin, said, pointing the condo unit just beside his. "And I'm trying to look for other tenants here. You know, trying to befriend with. And it's so quiet here."

Kai, perplexed, peered around the whole hallway. It's true that the hallway was so quiet, yet he still can't seem to understand why.

"Uh-err-eh?" Kai gulped, unable to fetch out some words. He has a lot of words to ask but he was speechless with the guy's visual. Soobin was indeed handsome.

Soobin chuckled, which Kai thought it was a laugh of an angel. "What's your name?" He had asked.

"Kai... Huening Kai." He responded in a whisper tone. Soobin stretched his arms, which Kai stared. "Handshake?" Kai stupidly asked.

Soobin let out a hearty laugh. "Oh well, of course it is."

Kai hesitated but soon gave in. Sighing, he reached out for his hands. Soobin's hands were so soft, as for Kai's perspective, and is so porcelain-looking. Kai also smell the soft perfume from Soobin's coat, which made Kai a bit addicted.

"You mind.. uh.. going in?" Kai asked. Soobin didn't reckon twice and nodded his head. Kai smiled and pleasingly guided Soobin inside.

Kai sat down, completely forgetting that it's already 12:00 and also forgot about his friends' gift.

\---

"So, you're going to Hanlim?" Soobin had asked once while they were having their daily strolls outside their condominium building.

"Hmm." Kai hummed, slightly nodding and licking his mint chocolate flavored ice cream. The sunlight of January made their ice creams melt easily unlike when it was on December. Soobin licked his ice cream, giving Kai a sight of his perfect side profile.

It has been a week since they met and, for Kai, it was one of the best days he had. Except for Yeonjun and the gang, Soobin had made him smile. Kai had felt different happiness that his gang can only make. Speaking of his friends, they didn't call him after New Year and it was a bit upsetting him. However, Soobin was there to push his upset away.

"Too bad, I'm going to SOPA. You know, it's a bit far from Hanlim." Soobin commented. Kai peered over his shoulder and stared at Soobin's features again. With that, he felt his stomach made a sudden weird feeling. It's like something was wriggling or flying inside his stomach. Yet, he ignored those simple points of love.

Suddenly, Kai's phone suddenly vibrated. He fished out and saw Taehyun calling him. Out of excitement, he answered it without realizing that Soobin was watching him fondly.

"Tyun hyung!" Kai happily yelled. He heard a chuckle from the other line.

"Yo, Kai. How are you? I heard from Yeonjun that you already received our gift?" Taehyun asked. Kai remembered that time when Kai forgot about their gift not until he walked Soobin to his own condo and saw a big gift in front of his door.

'I've saw that when I knocked on your door. Thought you know that's why I didn't speak about it.' Soobin had said as he picked the gift. Kai soon learned that it was the hoodie that he's been wanting to have.

"Oh yeah, hyung. I'm sorry I forgot to thank you." Kai whispered guiltily.

"No, we actually expected it." Taehyun laughed.

"You what?"

"Don't mind that. How about the other gift-"

"Kai-ssi!" Kai didn't heard what was Taehyun said because of the other voice who yelled. It was Beomgyu. "How are you?"

"Well, never better." Kai chuckled, eyes soon landed to Soobin, who was still licking his ice cream while watching him.

"We'll be going home on Sunday." Beomgyu announced.

"Good for you, then."

"Yah! Can you be happy for us just for once?" The older guy bellowed as Kai pictured his hyung pouting and frowning in his head. Kai laughed, eyes squinting due to the laughter he had bursting out. Soobin kept on watching him lovingly.

"I am." Kai responded. "Anyway, I'm with someone today. See you at school!" He said before hanging up the phone.

"Your friends loves you deeply, are they?" Soobin commented, which made Kai flustered. Of course, his friends always are yet Kai was too embarrassed to admit it.

"Yeah.. They always had." He responded after a minute of silence.

"Oh. So, that's the reason why they rented --- Hey! You want bread?" Soobin laughed forcefully. Kai didn't had time to answer when Soobin pulled him closer, guiding him to the nearest bakery shop Soobin had saw.

\---

"Got any plan for college?" Yeonjun asked, his hands trying to fished out some bills on his pocket. That day were the most especial day for Kai and his gang because it was the day where their hardships in high school had finally paid off. It was their graduation in high school. They're currently on a famous ice cream shop to celebrate their graduation.

"We'll take exam for college next week." Beomgyu announced, clamping Taehyun beside him. The two looked at each other and let out a giggle.

"You're going to a same college?" Kai asked after shoving his order to the cashier. He leaned on the counter, now facing his friends who had been waiting for their orders, too.

"Obviously." Taehyun responded, giving Beomgyu a peck on the cheek. Beomgyu blushed, Yeonjun snorted and Kai gagged.

"This two won't separate, really." Yeonjun commented. He leaned on the counter too and faced Kai.

"How about you, Kai?"

Kai thought, reckoning how he had decided for his future weeks ago. "Well, I'll be taking exam the week after next week with Soobin hyung."

His friends went silent, which Kai noticed. Yeonjun glanced over to take a look at Taehyun and Beomgyu, whose also looking at Yeonjun. Kai's friends already met Soobin since Kai once forced Soobin to meet them.

But it wasn't just that.

Kai opened his mouth to say but his mouth went frozen. He seemed to forget what he was about to say. And as if on cue, the shop's door opened behind them. Soobin entered while still wearing SOPA's uniform. They just had their graduation, too.

"Am I late to the celebration?" Soobin chuckled. Kai peered over with a beaming smile.

"Hyung!?" Kai run towards Soobin and slightly giving him a hug. Kai's insides started churning again. This feelings didn't fade until they finally got their orders and even found enough chairs and table.

"Soobin hyung, we heard from Kai that you'll be taking college exams together?" Taehyun asked while scooping for his ice cream. Soobin hummed and nodded.

"You know, I want to keep on track to Kai." Soobin answered. Kai suddenly coughed.

"Hey, Kai? Are you okay?" Yeonjun asked and reached for a table napkin. Soobin reached for a glass of water and gave it to Kai.

"Be careful." Soobin cooed, helping Kai to regain his composure. Right at that moment, Kai felt his heart beat faster than the usual. Soobin hands that was placed on top of his hands made him shiver and tremble in confusion.

"Why... why would you want to keep track on me?" Kai, still feeling the itch on her throat, asked. Soobin's gaze softened. He looked at Yeonjun, and then Beomgyu and Taehyun before looking back at Kai. Sighing, the hands that was on top on Kai's hands moved.

Soobin held Kai's hands carefully, like it was a breaking ornament. Soobin stared at Kai's brown eyes. Kai stared back, his feelings inside his stomach still churning aggressively.

"Because I want to protect you. To take you away from pain and sadness. As long as I am here with you, you won't be feeling sad anymore. Because... because I like you." Soobin confessed, eyes still staring at Kai's watery eyes.

Kai, on the other hand, trembled with a sudden feeling of happiness inside him. Maybe, this is his real feelings. Kai had fallen for Soobin since the first day he met him. It was not doubt. And there's no way he wouldn't grab the chance.

"I thought I was the only one feeling this." Kai finally said. Soobin stared at him confusedly first before stretching his lips into a wide smile. He pulled the younger guy in between his arms and hugged him tightly.

"Can you be my boyfriend, then?" The older guy asked in between the hug. Kai nodded without any hesitation.

On the other hand, Yeonjun, Beomgyu and Taehyun smiled in between the sadness. The scene in front of them was so sweet. They felt Kai's happiness while hugging Soobin and they don't want to break it.

However, the mistake had dropped and they can't changed that now. They just had to support what they've done and pulled out an innocent smile behind their guilty tears.

\---

"Remember, when you have trouble on your home works, you know who to call." Yeonjun, on the other line, said. Kai rolled his eyes, letting out a faint chuckle as he pulled his bag onto his shoulder.

"Yeah, Taehyun hyung." He said jokingly, closing the door of his condo and locked it afterwards.

"Yah! I meant me!" Yeonjun retorted. This time, Kai can't hold his laughter back and end up laughing on his phone's speaker. "Why look for others when you have me?"

"Hyung..." The younger guy breathed. "You can't even answer some simple logarithmic equation. Why would I resort to you when I have Taehyun hyung?"

It was offensive but Yeonjun didn't take it as one. Simple because, he was used to it. However, he speak, quivering on the process of tricking Kai. "Oh.. Okay. I... get it."

Kai stopped on his track. His forehead creased as he looked on his phone where Yeonjun's calling ID was showing. He suddenly felt nervous with Yeonjun. "Hyung? Hey... I'm sorry."

Later on, he heard shuffling and giggling on the other side. Kai dropped his nervous shoulder and glared somewhere.

"Yah!"

"Never mind, Kai. You know what to do when you need something." Just when Yeonjun said that. A car stopped in front of Kai, its window slowly crept down and Soobin' face welcomed him.

"Noted. Gonna go, hyung. Soobin hyung's here." Kai mumbled. He heard a simple 'good bye' from the line before hanging up.

"Good morning!" Soobin greeted as soon as he sat down on the car's shotgun seat. "Ready for the first day?"

"Absolutely no, hyung." Kai answered, finishing up his seat belt. Soobin grabbed the younger's hand, caressing it after. Kai looked up to Soobin and met with his soft gaze. The dark orbs of his eyes was like a magnet for Kai, since he can't take his eyes off from it.

"It'll be alright, Kai. I'm always here for you as long I'm with you, remember that." Soobin cooed in a soft tone. Kai let out a genuine smile and slowly nodded his head. Soobin smiled, meeting Kai's lips a second after.

The younger guy's eyes grew wide, realizing it after that it was his first kiss. It was so blissful and gentle. Kai felt like his heart was about to burst any moment from now. The weather was cold but he felt warm. He can't explain what he felt but all he know was that he'll get motivated to study more.

Soobin pulled his head away from Kai, caressed his cheeks and muttered. "I love you."

"I love you, too."

Soobin smiled gently as he held the steering wheel. "We're gonna be late."

\---

2020 became a meaningful year. Although, a lot of terrible things happened in the year 2020, it was still yet a wonderful year for Kai. The first snow of 2020 happened on that day. Kai were out of his condo, enjoying the sensation of the snow dripping from above him. Those small specks piled up to the ground, looking like a white sand.

A smile crept on his lips, his eyes glimmer to the sight of people on the sidewalks - cramming on going their own houses.

"Enjoying the scene?" A voice said from behind him. He didn't dare to look back to know who it is, he already know who he was. A hand wrapped his waist, jostling him up. He took a glance on his right, now staring at a handsome guy named Soobin. "You must be wondering why the snow tend to fall at December."

Kai met Soobin's gaze. That made him realize that he actually didn't know why snow only fell on December. "Why is that?"

Soobin let out a smile, a soft smile that gave warmth to Kai. "It's because... December is the last month of the year. This meant that... despite having a lot of struggles from the rest of the year, there will always be a good time. And snow... is a break, it indicates that there's a new way to face the next season on the following year."

The younger guy looked up at the sky. It was filled with clouds, a beautiful looking sky. Soobin must be indeed right.

Just then, Soobin's hand crept into Kai's hand, intertwining it. Kai blushed, although the pink tint on his cheek were hidden by his scarf. They remained close to each other, not wanting to break the soft yet cold atmosphere lurking around them.

The snow continued to pile up, and the sun started to settle down.

"Can we go inside now? I want to give you my gift for Christmas." Soobin muttered, eyes fixated to his young lover. Although confused about the early Christmas gift, he still followed Soobin's pace going inside the condominium building. The weather didn't change at all. It was still cold, most especially when they got in due to the opened air conditioner on the hallway.

They halted, with Soobin on the lead. The older guy opened the door of his own condo unit. Soobin's perfume emanate into Kai's nostrils, which eventually made the younger guy smile. He had grown fond of Soobin's things - even memorizing his favorites and everything.

"Wait for me. I'll get my gift in a minute." Then Soobin left. Kai was completely aware of the sudden warmth that his cheeks are contributing. Settling down on the couch, Kai fished out his phone. His friends barely had time to message him due to their own businesses with their own lives - Kai eventually learned that fact, and he wasn't complaining.

"I won't be here for Christmas. You know, I'll be at home." Soobin practically slumped down beside him with a box with red and white wrappers. A ribbon were fixed above it and there were also a small note pad hidden under the ribbon - Kai was keen enough to notice it.

"Oh, it's fine. Well.. how about in New Year?" Kai asked with full of hope evident on his voice. Soobin advanced the gift in front of Kai. The younger guy accepted it - though reckoned a bit. He held it tightly, not wanting to let it go. The gift seems light - which Kai noticed according to its weight.

"I'll be here in New Year to finally have my last---"

RING!

"Oh.." Kai almost stumbled when he felt and heard his phone vibrated and rang. He looked at the caller ID and saw his Taehyun hyung calling. He glanced up, shooting an apologetic smile to Soobin. The older guy just nodded, even mouthing 'go on'.

"Hello, Tyun hyung?" Kai greeted, his phone was close to his ear - although his eyes still darting towards Soobin who was watching him fondly.

"Advance Merry Christmas, Kai." Taehyun's voice looks dull. The coldness of the room seems to add with Taehyun's feeling at the moment.

"Hyung? What's wrong? Is there something bothering you?" Kai asked. Soobin looked at him with worry. Ever since Kai introduced Soobin to his friends, they became close as what Kai had expected. They managed to hang out easily since the first day.

"I'm alright Kai. It's just that I'm a bit sick." Taehyun muffled a sneeze near the speaker. Kai released a low groan - realizing how the covid virus affected the whole world with just a simple sneeze. "No worries, Kai-ah. This isn't covid. I assure you that. I took a test last week and I was negative."

Kai heaved himself out of the couch, hastily walked past Soobin and gave a skeptical look outside the window. Fogs were formed from the snow outside. "Well, I say you need to take care of yourself, hyung."

"Yeah, I'll keep that in mind."

"Anyway, why aren't you with Gyu hyung?" He asked once more, feeling a sudden warmth behind him. Soobin went closer without Kai knowing not unless his arms snaked on the younger guy's waist. Soobin buried his face onto Kai's neck, which made Kai squeal out of his own will.

"He went -" Taehyun sneezed out, cutting his own word. "Sorry about that - I meant, he went out to buy some medicine for me."

"Oh." Kai belted out. He moved a bit to consider their current position and faced Soobin instead. "Advanced Merry Christmas, then, hyung. I'll just deliver my gift after Christmas. I haven't wrapped it, really."

Taehyun forced out a chuckle as well as Kai before Kai decided to hang up. Kai brought his phone down, then looked up to stare at Soobin.

"Let me guess. You haven't bought any gifts are you?" Soobin pulled out a hearty laugh. Kai, however, prodded his finger into his pocket, making faces in front of the older guy.

"Just so you know, hyung. I have bought gifts." Kai stated, his lips curled up to a smile. He pulled out a small box from his pocket, eventually showing it to Soobin. Kai's smile widened when he saw Soobin's eyes twinkled in excitement. The gift doesn't have any wrapper - as what he told to Taehyun - and the gift inside were visible. It was a bracelet - a gold bracelet with a single silver plate on the middle. "I may be lazy but not for gifts."

"Yeah. Whatever floats your boat, Kai-ah." Soobin playfully rolled his eyes, his arms forbid him to let go of Kai's waist - his other hand reaches for the bracelet. "Come on. I've prepared something for us to dig with."

And so Kai had celebrated a new episode of Christmas (although it was early) with Soobin - eventually video calling Yeonjun, Taehyun (who was still sick) and Beomgyu to celebrate with.

\---

Another year passed again. December thirty-one, twenty-twenty will finally bid its goodbyes any moment from now. Kai wanted to surprise his friends by visiting them with Soobin but the older guy declined. In the end, Kai reckoned of staying at home with Soobin beside him.

The two of them celebrated Christmas in a zoom call with the rest of Kai's friends. It wasn't planned yet they did enjoy the company of laptops in front of them - as long as they could take a glimpse on their faces.

"Hey, Kai." Soobin cooed, hands touched Kai's arm. "You were spacing out. What were you thinking, baby?"

Kai felt himself blushed with the endearment. It wasn't intentional but he did noticed it. Soobin had been extra sweet towards him since he came back from his family. Soobin calling him baby, babe and sweetheart when he had a chance; hugging him more often; kissing him when he's off-guarded; and most importantly, telling him to look after himself every single minute. He wasn't complaining though, why would he? But still, he can't help but to wonder. Kai felt like something's isn't right.

He tried asking it, but he can't seem to get any proper answer from his lover.

"Hey~" Soobin waved in front of his very face. Kai was still in depths of his thoughts not until Soobin laid his lips on Kai's. The younger guy almost yelp but stopped the moment he felt Soobin's soft kiss dominate his whole body. Soon enough, Kai softened - letting Soobin do the job. The older guy placed his arms around Kai's waist as he deepen the kiss. The atmosphere around them started to play with their feelings. From cold and freezing to warm and comfortable.

Kai started to kiss back, he could feel the hunger from Soobin - which he reckoned why. Despite the questions starting to form on his mind, the kiss never stop.

Kai's hand snaked into Soobin's back, caressing his bare back without any hesitation. They absorbed the moment until a loud noise came from outside the building stopped them. Soobin pulled away first, panting for air. Kai did the same. They stared at each other - eyes fixated to those dark orbs. Kai wondered what was inside Soobin's mind at that moment. He could see the hesitation to speak - the hesitation to do something.

"Soobin?" Kai called. However, Soobin didn't respond - he continued to stare into those confused eyes. Then, the noise of fireworks on the sky broke the eye contact.

Soobin stood up, letting go of Kai's waist and stood up near the window. Kai followed him after with an obvious worry on his eyes. He wanted to ask what's wrong but the moment he was about to open his mouth, Soobin dropped something. Something he wasn't expecting.

"I'll be leaving." The older guy stated, which made the younger guy glance at him with more confusion.

"What --- what do you mean?" Kai started to shake unconsciously. His knees told him that the following words will eventually hurt him but the thing was --- he still wanted to know the reason.

"I'll be leaving you for good." Soobin continued, still staring outside the window for the fireworks. Kai's tears instantly betrayed him, his lips quivered as questions rushed into him.

What did I do? Is there someone new? Doesn't he love me anymore? Am I not enough? Question lingered but he didn't want to know the answer - knowing that it would hurt him more. Instead, he kept quiet.

"It's understandable that your friends didn't tell you anything. Besides, it's my job to tell you." The older guy started.

"Tell --- tell me what?"

"I was paid." Soobin hesitated but he still said it with full convincing voice. "I was paid from your friends to be with you for a whole year."

Although crying and trembling, Kai managed to stand up and looked at Soobin - expecting him to take back what he said. Kai wasn't convinced. He reckoned that he's just making lies just to hide the real fact.

"Stop lying." Kai's voice were broke --- and hurt yet he cleared his voice. "Stop --- lying and tell me why are you leaving me. Didn't you say you love me?"

"I said that because it's part of my job. But the thing is that you went deeper into falling for me where in fact it wasn't right for you to love me."

Kai abruptly looked at Soobin who was giving him a sympathetic gaze. He wiped his tears - but still falling very fast - and shuddered on the floor. Soobin watched him do so. Although, he wanted to help the younger guy, he can't - there's something stopping him.

"I'm sorry, Kai-ah. But my job's done." Soobin finally let out, now facing the wall clock which clearly told them that it's already 2021. "Happy New Year. Maybe - for the betterment of us - continue what you enjoyed. I won't push you to forgive me nor forget me but please be happy without me. You have worth, Kai. Just wait for the perfect person for you."

And he left. Soobin left Kai for good - as what Soobin said. Kai was left broken, disappointed and guilty. He crumpled on the ground, not wanting to move any further.

The door banged open after some time but Kai didn't dare to lay any gaze on it.

"Kai." It was Yeonjun's voice. Kai cried more. They paid Soobin to be with him yet that meant that they knew that he'll be broken after a year.

"Kai, we're sorry. Really." Beomgyu took the first step. Taehyun rubbed Kai's back. He wanted to recoil but he knew that he wanted comfort, too. Instead of being mad for what they did to him, he asked for comfort. Kai held Taehyun before throwing himself into the older guy.

"It's my fault, Kai. It was my idea-"

"No, hyung. I think it's mine." Kai cut Yeonjun's words, not wanting him to apologize for his own mistake. He felt guiltier. His friends just did that for him to be happy. It was his fault for having no contentment for what he have. It's his fault for rushing things. He slowly realized that what his friends did was just because they wanted to see him smile. "You just helped me. There's nothing wrong with helping me."

"Kai." Beomgyu tried calling him but Kai already stood up, eyes glued at the floor - completely refusing to look at his friends.

"I kept asking for more. I wasn't contented with my life. It was my fault. I deserve this."

"No, Kai. Please don't say that." Kai smiled to what he heard from Taehyun. He shook his head before walking towards his room.

"Happy New Year. I want to celebrate but I think I want to let everything out first." He said before closing the door shut. As he leaned on his door, his tears fell again. It seems like it was unending. He felt tired but his eyes wasn't. Fresh tears continued to fall - he didn't mind - and curled up, still leaning on his door.

He remembered those time when Soobin held him with extra more care and told him to take care of himself too. His last kiss was so memorable. How could he forget it?

How would he forget it?

Everyday feels like heaven on the year of 2020.

Waking up with motivation, eat breakfast with Soobin, prepare for school together with Soobin, hangout with friends, taking home a lot of assignments - doing it with Soobin, going home with Soobin, eat dinner, sleep with cuddle together with Soobin and the cycle continued.

It was a year full of happiness. However, at the end of 2020, the happiness ended, too.

Now, everyday will feel like hell on the year of 2021.

Waking up, eat breakfast, prepare for school, hangout with friends, take home a lot of assignments, going home, eat dinner, sleep and the cycle continues.

**Author's Note:**

> Again, happy new year everyone. Stay safe always and have an enjoyable year.


End file.
